what i've been thinking about recently. (vent)
2026-01-20
i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me
i barely feel emotions anymore. i can feel happy for a few seconds, but then im just back to normalcy...numbness.
i can't even fucking cry properly nowadays. the saddest thing possible could happen to me, and i feel like i'd have to force myself to cry or else i'd look like a fucking weirdo.
it's like i've just been holding everything in for so long, that i can't even probably feel and express myself..atleast i don't look like a bitch though right?? right mom??? men don't fucking cry right?
im gonna tell you why i think i fucking feel like this.
around 8 months ago, my own brother got into a fight with me while we were sparring. he hit me in the back of the head around 5 times. i haven't been the same since.
my memory has gotten way worse, i can barely even remember shit from my past. my reading comprehension had gotten significantly worse. i've gotten way dumber, it feels like i have to study 2x as hard just to get the same grades i used to, and i was barely even fucking passing before this. i forget FUCKING EVERYTHING NOW.
i used to love being around people. now i dread being around them. im scared of them judging me. im scared of them thinking im a weirdo. im scared of embarrising myself. im scared of coming off as weird, im scared of making myself look like an idiot.
he's ruined my fucking life. mentally, these past couple months have been the worst of my life. it isn't getting better. if anything it's getting worse. i have a feeling it'll only get worse from here.
all i want from him is a fucking apology, do you wanna know what i get instead??? infront of my face he goes laughing to his friends saying shit like "oh i beat his ass bro" YOU FUCKING RUINED ME WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?? do you know what i've gotten through because of you? when i...nevermind im done this shit is making me too mad. im gonna go watch youtube.
i barely feel emotions anymore. i can feel happy for a few seconds, but then im just back to normalcy...numbness.
i can't even fucking cry properly nowadays. the saddest thing possible could happen to me, and i feel like i'd have to force myself to cry or else i'd look like a fucking weirdo.
it's like i've just been holding everything in for so long, that i can't even probably feel and express myself..atleast i don't look like a bitch though right?? right mom??? men don't fucking cry right?
im gonna tell you why i think i fucking feel like this.
around 8 months ago, my own brother got into a fight with me while we were sparring. he hit me in the back of the head around 5 times. i haven't been the same since.
my memory has gotten way worse, i can barely even remember shit from my past. my reading comprehension had gotten significantly worse. i've gotten way dumber, it feels like i have to study 2x as hard just to get the same grades i used to, and i was barely even fucking passing before this. i forget FUCKING EVERYTHING NOW.
i used to love being around people. now i dread being around them. im scared of them judging me. im scared of them thinking im a weirdo. im scared of embarrising myself. im scared of coming off as weird, im scared of making myself look like an idiot.
he's ruined my fucking life. mentally, these past couple months have been the worst of my life. it isn't getting better. if anything it's getting worse. i have a feeling it'll only get worse from here.
all i want from him is a fucking apology, do you wanna know what i get instead??? infront of my face he goes laughing to his friends saying shit like "oh i beat his ass bro" YOU FUCKING RUINED ME WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?? do you know what i've gotten through because of you? when i...nevermind im done this shit is making me too mad. im gonna go watch youtube.